Softening Through Letting Go
December often invites us to slow down, to soften, and to unwind after a year of effort and striving. In yoga, softening doesn’t mean collapsing or giving up—it means releasing what we no longer need to hold. Sometimes this begins very simply in the body: unclenching the jaw, easing the shoulders away from the ears, letting the belly soften, and allowing the breath to arrive without force.
As physical tension releases, mental tension often follows. When we stop gripping our muscles, our breath, our expectations, the nervous system receives a quiet message of safety. Stress loosens its hold. Thoughts become less urgent. In this space, we remember that peace is not something we have to chase or strive for. It often emerges naturally when we let go of what’s holding us tightly. This is where the wisdom of aparigraha, the fifth yama of Patañjali’s Eight-Fold Path, gently meets us.
What is Aparigraha?
Aparigraha is a Sanskrit word commonly translated as non-grasping, non-attachment, or non-greed. At its heart, it invites us to examine where we are holding on—physically, emotionally, and mentally—and to explore what might happen if we soften our grip.
Yoga Sutra 2.39
Aparigraha sthairye janmakathamta sambodhah
Aparigraha – non-grasping, non-possessiveness, non-greed
sthairye – when firmly established, steadiness, stability
janma – birth, origin, coming into being
kathāmta – how and why, questioning
sam – completely, fully (a prefix that intensifies meaning)
bodhaḥ – knowing, understanding, awakening, clear awareness
Translation (Sri Swami Satchidananda):
When non-greed is confirmed, a thorough illumination of the how and why of one’s birth comes.
When attachment, greed, and possessiveness soften, the mind becomes less driven by fear and lack. In that clarity, we begin to see why we act the way we do, what motivates our choices, where our habits come from, and how conditioning shapes our identity. “Knowledge of birth” can be understood as insight into the origins of our patterns: how we became who we are, and why certain tendencies repeat themselves.
In other words, aparigraha frees up awareness. Without the constant urge to acquire, protect, or hold on, we gain perspective—on our past, our motivations, and the direction of our lives.
Aparigraha as Softening and Unwinding on the Mat
In the context of December’s theme—softening and unwinding—aparigraha becomes a compassionate practice of release. This may look like letting go of material excess, but it also includes releasing mental clutter: old stories, self-judgments, and expectations of how things “should” be.
For example, in Triangle Pose, when I release effort from my shoulders and elbows, the body feels less held and more spacious—almost as if the pose is supporting me rather than the other way around. By tuning into sensation instead of appearance, the shape becomes lighter and more easeful.
On the mat, aparigraha might mean not forcing a pose to look a certain way and allowing the body to meet the practice exactly as it is today.
A Gentle Practice to Explore Aparigraha on the Mat
You might try this simple reflection:
- As you exhale, visualize releasing something you’ve been holding tightly—perhaps tension in the body, a persistent worry, or an expectation.
- Silently offer yourself the words: “I don’t need to hold this right now.”
- Notice what softens, even slightly.
Practicing Aparigraha Beyond the Mat
Aparigraha truly comes alive in everyday moments, especially when we notice signs that we are mentally or emotionally gripping. The first step is pausing—not to fix anything, but simply to become aware.
Mental strain often shows up in familiar ways:
- Looping inner dialogue or rumination (“Why did I say that?” “What if this goes wrong?”)
- Subtle or obvious physical tension (tight shoulders, clenched jaw, shallow breath)
- Loss of energy or motivation, feeling heavy or depleted
- A sense of urgency, pressure, or the need to control an outcome
These are gentle signals that the mind is grasping. Practicing aparigraha here doesn’t mean pushing thoughts away—it means breaking the pattern of attachment with care.
Some accessible ways to do this include:
- Distancing from thoughts
Instead of “This is true,” try “I’m noticing the thought that…”
For example: “I’m noticing the thought that I’m not doing enough.”
This small shift creates space and softens identification. - Reframing with kindness
When the mind tightens around self-criticism, gently offer another perspective:
“I did the best I could with what I had today.” Or, “This is uncomfortable, but it’s not permanent.” - Redirecting attention
Bring awareness to something tangible and grounding: feeling your feet on the floor, noticing three sounds in the room, placing a hand on your heart or belly, or practicing slow, steady breathing. This helps release the mind’s grip and brings you back into the present moment. - Resetting through the body
A slow exhale, a gentle stretch, stepping outside for fresh air, or even drinking a glass of water can interrupt the cycle of grasping. These small resets remind the nervous system that it’s safe to let go.
When I notice that I’m holding too tightly, I often focus on redirecting attention. If I have time, I step onto the mat and move my body in ways I don’t usually move. This helps release stored energy and shift my focus. Through experience, I’ve learned that adding a little movement helps me relax and unwind.
When I’m too busy to step on the mat, I might stretch in a chair, take slow deep breaths, or move my eyes. Yes—move my eyes. I’ve noticed that when I ruminate, my eyes tend to fix in one position. Gently moving them in a circle not only helps relax the eyes after screen time but also soothes the nervous system.
Practicing aparigraha beyond the mat is not about never thinking or never caring. It’s about noticing when effort turns into strain and choosing softness instead of holding tighter. Each pause becomes an invitation to unwind—to release what’s not necessary—and to meet life with a little more ease and trust.
Key Takeaways
- Softening begins with letting go of unnecessary physical and mental tension.
- Aparigraha invites non-grasping—not through force, but through awareness and kindness.
- On the mat, it may look like releasing expectations and honoring how the body feels today.
- Off the mat, it starts with noticing signs of mental strain and gently breaking habitual patterns.
- Small pauses, movement, breath, and grounding can support unwinding and nervous system regulation.
- Letting go is not a loss—it is a practice of trust, clarity, and ease.
Reference
- Salamon, Maureen, and Toni Golen. “Break the cycle.” Harvard Health, 1 January 2024, https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/break-the-cycle. Accessed 13 December 2025